BLACKBALL (2005) 1/2 star out of 4. Starring Paul Kaye, James Cromwell, Alice Evans, Bernard Cirbbins, Johnny Vegas and Vince Vaughn. Screenplay by Tim Firth. Directed by Mel Smith. Rated R. Running time: Approx: 87 mins.

        Sometimes, as you watch a movie, you begin to ask yourself why are you subjecting yourself to this nonsense?

        That's the feeling that will well up inside you during Blackball, a very unfunny British comedy that somehow slipped through customs.

        Blackball is a cinematic dirty bomb, a mediocre 'comedy' that offers as many laughs as a dentist's drill.

        What is worse, though, is that the distribution comedy has tacked on a 'National Lampoon' label to try to trick people into the theater.

Though the press kit calls the movie 'National Lampoon's Black Ball,' the only lampooning is on the unsuspecting audience members, who are being bamboozled into theaters.

        Blackball is set in England and centers around the sport of bowls, a lawn game that is sort of a combination of bowling and croquet, but without a mallet.

        The film tries to use such issues as class distinctions for comic inspiration, but it fails miserably.

        Even the casting of two solid actors — James Cromwell and Vince Vaughn — in supporting roles fails to up the ante.

        Cromwell looks like he'd rather be somewhere else, while Vaughn just trots out his very familiar, sleazy, fast-talk shtick.

        Heading the cast is Paul Kaye, making his feature film debut. He is more obnoxious than funny.

        Blackball makes you fidget and squirm. Even at a bit under 90 minutes, you'll want to flee to the concession stand.

        The one bizarre aspect of the film is the inclusion of best actress Academy Award nominee Imelda Staunton in a small, thankless part.

        Perhaps it's the cultural chasm that keeps the humor from kicking in. Bowls is not a major sport in the United States; I doubt even ESPN2 has televised an event.

        No matter, Blackball just stupidly rolls along, with no pacing, no character development, no style. It's a slapdash production out to earn a quick buck off someone else's label.

        Bob Bloom is the film critic at the Journal and Courier in Lafayette, Ind. He can be reached by e-mail at bbloom@journalandcourier.com or at bob@bloomink.com. Bloom's reviews also can be found at the Journal and Courier Web site: www.jconline.com
Other reviews by Bloom can be found at the Rottentomatoes Web site: www.rottentomatoes.com or at the Internet Movie Database Web site: www.imdb.com/M/reviews_by?Bob+Bloom